Revealed: the questions the Premier League will ask ThaksinUpdated: August 28th, 2007
With the spotlight now firmly fixed on Thaksin’s ability to meet the Premier League’s ‘Fit and Proper Persons Test’, Purelymancity can exclusively reveal the questions our new owner will face:
Premier League: Have you ever been sentenced to 12 months’ probation for ‘bookkeeping offences’?
Thaksin: No.
Premier League: Have you ever stolen Russia’s oil reserves?
Thaksin: No.
Premier League: Have you killed as many people as Tom Hicks’ business buddy George W Bush?
Thaksin: Definitely not.
Premier League: Have you ever been fined £6.7m by the OFT for fixing the price of replica kits?
Thaksin: No.
Premier League: Did you make your money from wank mags?
Thaksin: No.
Premier League: Have you ever bribed a British MP or been refused a British passport on the grounds of being “not of good character”?
Thaksin: No, on both counts.
Premier League: Is your daughter free for a date?
Thaksin: Out of the question. Pinthongta only wishes to marry a middle-aged City fan, ideally an overweight smoker who enjoys pub quizes. Once she is betrothed to such a man I will give him a palace, a £10m dowry and a seat at the stadium made out of gold.
Premier League: Mr Shinawatra, after careful consideration we have decided you have a shady business history and appalling human rights record. Welcome to the Premiership.
Thaksin: That’s Dr Shinawatra to you. Remember, I can have you shot.